You do the Math

You may have noticed in my first post that I mentioned how I lost 20, gained 20, lost another 40 and so on, and so on. I toyed with the idea of declaring my actual weight then, now or in the future. I figured that if anyone really cared, they could probably do the math themselves. Course I say that, not being mathematically inclined (I can't even balance my checkbook!) but I assume the average person could calculate, within a reasonable amount, what I weigh now. And that brings me to the crux of this post. Why don't I post my current weight?

It's just a number, right? And while I am trying to be SO honest about my struggles with food and weight, there's just something about revealing that actual number. Sort of like standing naked in front of people. It strips away the flattering pants, the sweater that perfectly highlights my eyes, or anything else that camouflages the actual number on the scale, and puts it right out there, for everyone to see, making me…just oh so vulnerable!

And what's in a number, anyway? A number by any other name, oh wait, I was channeling Shakespeare for a minute there. But what is in a number anyway? It's just that digital display on my scale. The digital scale that measures to a tenth of a pound, the one I HAD to have when I was following weight watchers so diligently. Can you spell…A N A L?? Yeah, ok, I am, or I was, I have mellowed out a little about the scale, and about the number. Obviously I have, otherwise I would never have allowed myself to put on all this weight. There was a time when if the scale moved just an eighth of a pound too high, I would go into total melt-down until it fluctuated back to what I deemed to be an acceptable weight. Ahhh I sometimes long for those OCD days, at least I was fairly thin then, or more importantly, (and as you learn about me, you will realize JUST how important this is to me) ALL MY CLOTHES FIT. Just the sound of that makes my heart flutter. But that's a topic for another post. Can't cover everything in the first two posts or whatever will I write about in the future? Oh, trust me, when it comes to food and diet, I still obsess enough to fill five blogs a day!! I suppose it's just a matter of putting it on paper.
So, back to my original question…do I post my weight here on my blog? For the entire world to see? Or for my one follower to see (at this point, anyway.) I am optimistic that others will join the bandwagon to follow my blog at some point. So, do I strip myself virtually naked in front of them?

I don't know. There's something comforting about just not telling. Keeping something of mystery to intrigue all my future followers? I know myself, though. Eventually I will tell, but right now…I think I'm just a little too new, and a little too insecure at blogging to totally strip away all of my camouflage. So I think I will put off posting the actual number, for a little while anyway. Perhaps as I warm up to my potential audience I will reveal all. Or maybe I will wait till I reach a more "reasonable" number. At this point, I don't quite know. But once I figure it out, you will be the first ones to know.